My lover sons,
You know the dangly appendage that occupies your thoughts and/or your hands for an oversized proportion of the day? Well, as a involved mother, I feel it’s my duty to enlighten you on the topic of your phallus.
Now, ne'er having been in possession of 1 myself, I can’t be thought of AN outright skilled, however I’d prefer to assume that my expertise raising you counts for one thing. After all, I’ve seen enough status around this piece to rival any nude resort. So, for you, and the other boys out there, here area unit 9 belongings you ought to comprehend your phallus.
1. Relax; Your phallus won’t fall off. it'll keep right there in your pants (provided you’re carrying any), thus you'll be able to stop clutching it whereas you watch TV and falling asleep with it in your fingers. In fact, it'll be with you for the remainder of your life, thus perhaps you ought to trust being to a small degree less rough with it.
2. One exception: Having a firm grip thereon is inspired – and most well-liked – once exploitation the rest room. It’s floppy, and after you don’t have it in check, you spray sort of a leaky hose.
3. Keep it in your drawers, ok? (This could be a piece of recommendation that may have a unique, however equally vital, that means throughout your teenage years – thus don’t forget it.) There’s very no ought to lay it on your brother’s arm. Or dip it in your milk. Or poke it through the opening of a videodisk. Or wrap it around your ingestion utensils. Or your pencil. Or your brother’s pencil.
4. it would not hurt you after you stretch it out 10 miles long like it’s product of rubber, however it hurts Pine Tree State simply watching it, so stop.
5. On rare occasions, you will really forgoing of it so as to understand one thing else. sort of a sandwich, or your brother’s face. within the event of such occasions, hand-washing before you bit the rest is that the courteous (and sanitary) factor to try and do.
6. It’s not the top of the globe once it’s facing the incorrect approach or concentrated up in your underclothes. No want for a meltdown.
7. It’s handy and transportable and every one that, however simply because you'll be able to pee anyplace doesn’t mean you ought to.
8. If you’re gonna stretch/dangle/pull/twist/twiddle or otherwise palm (boy-handle?) it, please do thus in your space and spare USA all to a small degree awkwardness. Please.
9. I’ve seen it 1,000,000 times, thus there’s no ought to waggle it in my direction once your bathtub, nor build it dance and jump around by poke around like Zen with a Hawaiian dancing hoop. (This conjointly goes for your male parent, thus pass that delicacy on.)
I’m hoping this letter can function a handy relation to the correct penial prescript, which you’ll begin having to a small degree noise dignity.
You’ll impart Pine Tree State later… or a minimum of your partner can.
Lots of love,
Mommy
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